Our team at Wellfield International believe that if you smile the world becomes a brighter place! We have put together a collection of our favourite jokes for children but the grown up’s can enjoy them too! If you have a joke that has you in stitches please send it to Wellfieldweb@gmail.com so that we can share it with other visitors to our website and make them smile too!
Dewey have to go to school today?
Have you heard about the teacher who was cross-eyed?
She couldn’t control her pupils!
Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with “t”.
Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.
What school supply is always tired?
Teacher: I see you missed the first day of school.
Kid: Yes, but I didn’t miss it much.
Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?
Student: I’m paying as little attention as I can.
Teacher: James, where is your homework?
James: I ate it.
James: You said it was a piece of cake!
Teacher: Why is your homework in your father’s handwriting?
Pupil: I used his pen!
Teacher: You’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet.
Pupil: But these are the only feet I’ve got!
What’s the difference between a teacher and a steam train?
The first goes “Spit out that chewing gum immediately!” and the second goes “chew chew”!
Today my teacher yelled at me for something I didn’t do.
What was that?
What is white when its dirty and black when its clean?
Teacher: What is the most important thing you have ever learned in chemistry?
Sam: Don’t lick the spoon!
How is an English teacher like a judge?
They both hand out sentences!
Why didn’t the two 4s want any lunch?
Because they already 8!
What’s big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten mom’s day?
The school bus.
Why did the teacher turn on the lights?
Because her class was so dim!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her class was so bright!
How was your first day of term?
Fine, but some man called Teacher kept spoiling all our fun!
How do bees get to school?
By school buzz!
Why is a classroom like an old car?
Because it’s full of nuts and has a crank up front!
When do you get shouted at for something you didn’t do?
When you haven’t done your homework!
Why did the echo get detention?
For answering back!
What did one maths book say to the other?
Boy, do I have problems!
What is black and white and very hard?
An exam paper!
What is a butterfly’s favourite subject at school?
Why is a tomato round and red?
Because if it was long and green it would be a cucumber!
How do you make an apple puff?
Chase it round the kitchen!
What did one tomato say to the other?
You go on ahead and I’ll ketchup!
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
What’s worse than finding a slug in your apple?
Finding half a slug in your apple!
What did baby corn say to mommy corn?
What colour is a hiccup?
How do you divide 20 potatoes among 6 people?
Boil them and mash them!
What does a tree do when he is ready to go home?
What did the cowboy say when his dog left?
What did one ear say to the other ear?
Between us we have brains!
What do you call two people who embarrass you in front of your friends?
Mum and Dad!
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop!
How do you make a band stand?
Hide all their chairs!
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one!
What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
The dentist is taking me out today!
Why did the chocolate chip cookie visit the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
How did the farmer fix his jeans?
With a cabbage patch!
Why was the broom late?
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.
What do you call a boy mermaid?
What did one magnet say to the other magnet?
I find you very attractive!
How many Dads does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he has to go to the store five times to get the right kind!
What’s red and flies and wobbles at the same time ?
A jelly copter!
What do you call a girl with sausages on her head?
What did the policeman say to his stomach?
You’re under a VEST!
Why did the police wake the child?
Because they’d heard there’d been a kid napping!
Why was the police officer under the blanket?
Because he was an under cover cop!
How many ears does Davy Crockett have?
Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier!
What do you call James Bond in the bath?
Why couldn’t they play cards on the ark?
Noah was sitting on the deck.
What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a flea ?
Bugs Bunny !
What do you get if Batman and Robin get smashed by a steam roller?
Flatman and ribbon.
Why didn’t Superman know he could fly?
Because he didn’t know his Cape Abilities!
What’s green and purple and goes up and down?
Barney in an elevator.
Why did Captain Kirk go into the Ladies?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before!
Why did Harry potter?
Because he didn’t feel like rushing!
How does Batman’s mother call him in for dinner?
Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!
Why wasn’t Cinderella any good at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!